DingleBerry of Death! Oh the horror..........

My cat is racing in and out of the cat door with a dingle berry attached to his ass. I cant catch him and he is going to have a heart attack if I don't get it off him.
I dont know why he is so terrified of them. The last time this happened I managed to corner him, get a kitty valium down his screaming gullet and waited twenty minutes. He calmed down enough and I was able to remove the offending piece of decorative fecal matter.
What a nut.
This time he is in hysterics and spinning around the courtyard like a crazed banshie. I can hear him whipping through the bushes out side my window.
I have no clue as to what is going on in his fuzzy little head. I suppose he thinks some thing is chasing him and trying to crawl up his ass. Its attached by a piece of grass or something. Its swinging back and forth slapping his ass cheeks like a set of nineteen seventies Klick-Klaks.
I wish he would take a lighter view of this. He could do yo-yo tricks with it and impress the other cats.
Oh well. I cant catch him. Its either going to fall of or he is going to die. I hope he catches it on a branch the next time he makes a pass through the bushes.
What a dope. I hope we all get some sleep tonight.